The Unbelievable but True Tale

Christmas 1979, about 7 days til I ship out to Basic. I’m clearly preparing for that.

For some reason, I thought it’d be OK to report to Basic Training like this. Possibly because my 19 Day DEP (Delayed Entry Program) was a non-stop party and feasting, and I was an arrogant 17 yo. Oddly, no one, not the Recruiter, my Family, and others, suggested that I trim my hair even a little, and shave. I would not have accepted the suggestion anyway. In fact that recruiter, whom had come to loathe me, said “Do not cut your hair, you will get in trouble for damaging and defacing Army property!”

Was I ever wrong!

Jan 3rd, 1980.

Even though Ft. Sill is only about 90 miles from Oklahoma City, the bus could not, for some reason, make it in a single trip and instead, I had to change busses partway. This resulted in my Basic training bus being at the center at 3 am, rather than the usual 8 or 9 am. Adding to the delay were the other enlistees who got on that bus packed like they were going on a 4 month cruise!

The Drill Sergent’s and Cadre had all, as they informed we in very loud and angry voices laced with epithets, been forced out of a warm, cozy bed with their sweeties, and now, standing in a freezing, wind driven sleetstorm, have some aggression to dish out.

And, they were probably hung over from their feasting as well.

One particularly hard and tough-looking DS got in the bus and shouted: “YOU SORRY PIECES OF SHIT HAVE ONE MINUTE TO UNASS THIS BUS AND 59 SECONDS HAVE ALREADY PASSED! MOVE YOUR ASSES!”

While he continued to shout, and outside, the waiting cadre and other DS joined in the screaming and shouting, the enlistees in that bus were in a state of panic. The front exit was blocked by the DS, so they were trying to stuff their luggage through the windows! And, it was a most shameful display of “Every man for himself!” A writhing, cursing, grunting, shoving mass of 30+ men and their baggage. After about 6 or 10 seconds of this, I crowd-surfed to the rear, yanked open the emergency (rear) door, and tumbled in an unceremonious heap onto the slick pavement. The opening of the door created additional confusion inside and out, with the honking siren and flashing lights.

The distraction was brief, as I became the object of everyone’s attention.

“OH MY GAWD! IT’S A FRIGGIN CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! JESUS CHRIST DONE RETURNED TO EARTH AND JOINED THE ARMY, AND RIGHT AFTER HIS BIRTHDAY! WHY’D YA JOIN THE ARMY JESUS H. CHRIST!?! DID GOD OR SATAN SIGN FOR YOU!!?! YOU DIED FOR OUR SINS!!YOU’RE IN THE ARMY NOW, GOOD THING YOU TOOK A VOW OF POVERTY!! WE WON’T NEED CHOWHALLS ANYMORE JUST SOME FISH, BREAD AND WINE YOU’LL PROVIDE THE MULTITUDES!!! EVERYONE GET OVER HERE, STOP THE PRESSES, CALL THE PRESIDENT!!!! CALL THE POPE!!!!! JESUS H. CHRIST WANTS TO BE A US ARMY SOLDIER!!! PRAISE GOD!!! BOW TO YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR, FOR HE IS RISEN!!! HE’S GONNA TURN THIS WATER INTO WINE, AND CARRY THE CROSS, DO SOME FRIGGIN MIRACLES, OR ELSE!!!!!”

“FRONT LEANIN REST POSITION JESUS, HUHAA!”

I had no idea what that was. But a punch to my soft belly that felt like it went clean through, followed by a firm hand on the scruff of my neck, to assist me in getting into the Front Leaning Rest Position, was my very 1st lesson of Basic.

Sure got a LOT of PT. (Physical Training).